Psychotherapy and Training Collective of New York



Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person.

From The New York Times Submitted by Gerald G. Gersh, LCSW, BCD




Up front I want to say I do not agree with the article's ending that the philosophy of pessimism offers a solution to marital choices. However, the catchy title, "Why You Will Marry The Wrong Person", remarkably resembles the psychoanalytic concept of 'tolerating intimacy' that I use to help individuals and couples in their relationships.

The article echoes what I believe, which is that it's the capacity to "tolerate differences", which is one of the significant components necessary for a marriage to work. Finally, and more specifically, the author reiterates the following notion with which I agree. He states, "what we really seek is familiarity which may well complicate any plans we might have had for happiness. We are looking to recreate, within our adult relationships, the feelings we knew so well in childhood."